Diary of a Mixed Up Chick Read an excerpt of Rebecca’s debut novel

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Chapter One – Late Summer 2002 The sun was setting on the horizon, a fiery scarlet ball. As it got lower it reflected a haze of pink onto the underbelly of the dark rain clouds, making shades of purple and lilac, promising heavy rain. The light was fading fast as Jenny dropped Faith off outside the chalet style house on the edge Melford Common. ‘I’m not sure that I should have come.’ Faith said, checking her appearance in the vanity mirror on the back of the sun visor. ‘Course you should, he’s always fancied you. He was really jealous that night you were with Ray.’ ‘Was he really?’ ‘Yes, now go on, you’ve been dithering for too long, go and have some fun, for a change.’ Faith climbed out of the navy blue Volvo estate and headed towards Darren’s front door. As she knocked and waited, she watched her friend driving away. She noticed that the car was thick with grime as if she had been throwing it round some distant rally track. She was nervous despite all the wine she had had with Jenny before she came. She felt the breeze whip up around her bare legs, catching her flimsy skirt so she had to brush it back down with her hand and hold it to her legs. She wondered whether there was a storm brewing. She hoped not as she glanced up at the dark clouds, bringing on the night shortly before it’s time. Darren opened the front door and looked startled. ‘Faith, what are you doing here?’ He asked. ‘I just thought it would be nice to come and see you, are you going to invite me in?’ Jenny watched in her rear view mirror, a look of contempt coming over her face. She had been planning this for weeks and she almost wished she could hang around and see her friend being humiliated. Darren wasn’t going to want Faith now; she had made sure of that. Her focus returned to the road and she swerved, narrowly missing a car coming in the other direction. She kerbed the car, and pulled over. She saw a look of horror on the man’s face as he too swerved and slammed his foot on the brakes. Jenny was laughing so hard she could not drive. She just sat there, tears streaming down her cheeks as she laughed and laughed. Eventually she glanced up and saw the man in the other car giving her a strange look, so she pulled herself together. She put the car into first gear and pulled away, wishing once more that she could be there to see Faith’s downfall. Ah well she was sure she would hear about it soon enough. Jenny chuckled to herself, this was going to be well worth the wait. Darren took Faith through to the front room and they sat on the sofa together, where he was watching a sci-fi movie. She already knew that they both watched Farscape, but that was as far as her love of science fiction went. He on the other hand seemed to be a staunch supporter, judging by the crap they were both being subjected to. The room was very tidy, not a thing out of place, and the thick cream curtains had already been drawn, shutting out the approaching rain. Darren swigged out of his can of Carling Black Label. He didn’t usually bring women here unless he had been out drinking and then they would go straight to the bedroom. He felt like his well kept solitary world had been invaded by this spontaneous visitor. ‘Should I get myself a drink then?’ She asked, unsure of why he was being so ignorant. ‘Help yourself, there’s some cider in the kitchen.’ He replied dismissively. Faith went into the kitchen and found some cans of White Lightning. She didn’t really like to drink anything out of a can but it was all he seemed to have, so she forced herself; she needed to calm her nerves. This was only the second visit she had made to his house; but on both occasions she had felt there was the presence of a woman here. The house felt haunted by the long passed relationship that had made Darren so hard to pin down. This was like kindling to her dormant competitive streak, something she rarely allowed to manifest. She returned to the living room and Darren, still engrossed in the film. The cider went straight to her head and she felt a bit squiffy. ‘So what’s going on in this film then?’ ‘It’s too late to tell you now, it’s been going on for too long, you will just have to watch.’ ‘Who’s that bloke, what’s he doing that for?’ ‘Faith! It’s nearly finished now, drink your cider and let me watch it.’ ‘Ok then.’ Faith sighed and smiled at Darren. He smiled back at her and she saw that gentle look in his eyes that reminded her of why she had come. She took a sip from her cider and snuggled down on the sofa and watched quietly. As soon as the film finished he got up quickly from the sofa and switched off the TV. He stood proudly in the doorway, his tight faded jeans clinging to his muscular thighs and the black t-shirt he wore showing that he worked out regularly. ‘I’m going to bed now, are you coming?’ He stared over at Faith as he spoke. ‘What should I do?’ She asked ‘Whatever you want.’ He turned and walked out towards the stairs. Faith momentarily thought about just leaving, but he would have asked her to go if he had wanted her to. She jumped up and followed him up the stairs. She was swaying slightly as she walked. He led the way to his bedroom. It was surprisingly untidy, with clothes scattered all over the floor. She took in the frill on the bedspread and the soft pastel colour of the room. It felt a bit girly even to her, so she couldn’t imagine how he could feel comfortable with it. He had quickly removed all his clothes and was lying naked on the bed. Faith looked at his muscular body and blushed slightly. He definitely kept himself fit. What would he think of her body, having had three children. She was glad that she had been swimming regularly. Doubt crept into the recesses of her mind again. Tapping at her temples, threatening to take over. She pushed it aside and gulped more cider. Then she started to take off her clothes, flinging them all around her as she walked towards the bed. She was like a different person, all of a sudden. Someone confident and sexy, quite the opposite to her normal shy, self-conscious self. ‘Your tits are quite firm aren’t they?’ He said with a note of surprise in his voice. ‘Why shouldn’t they be?’ she asked as she lay down on the bed facing him. ‘What would Jenny think about this, if she knew?’ He asked her. ‘She does know, she dropped me off.’ Faith wished he had not mentioned Jenny. She was never quite sure about their friendship. They seemed very close, although Darren never flirted with Jenny the way he did with her. ‘What do you mean, she knows?’ He sounded put out. ‘It was her idea, she persuaded me to come.’ A dark look flickered through his eyes as he spoke. Faith felt unsure again and reached out to touch him, running her fingers gently over his muscular chest and arms. Deftly he flipped her over on to her back, and slid between her legs in one movement. His arm went roughly over her face and pressed down hard. His hips jabbed at her violently, hurting her as he thrust, in and out. His brawny legs rubbed harshly against the soft flesh of her inner thighs, leaving an imprint of their presence that she would not be able to rid herself of overnight. This was not how it was supposed to be. She had imagined two friends making love gently till the early hours of dawn. Not rape. Thoughts flooded her mind. He must have done this before to be so skilled at it. How many times, she wondered. How was she going to get out of here. She was finding it difficult to breath, his weight pressing down on the bridge of her nose and she couldn’t see anything. Fear gripped her as she wondered what he would do next. It was sure to get worse; she had to think of a way to stop it. Thoughts of his mother, domineering and controlling, flitted through her mind. Thank God she had met the mother. ‘If you think I spend this much on face cream to have you do this to me you are mistaken.’ She stated authoritatively. Instantly he stopped what he was doing and rolled off her, leaving her gasping for breath and amazed that her insight had paid off. Now she needed to get herself out of here and away from Darren. Fright paralysed her, but she knew she had to make herself move. She forced herself to get up off the bed. Darren lay silently; face down on the rumpled sheets. She turned away not able to look at him after what he had just done. Faith stumbled about the room looking for her clothes that had been strewn all over the place. She grabbed her knickers and skirt hurriedly putting them on, but she could not find her top. While she was searching she became aware that she had been so frightened that she had not even thought about screaming and she wondered whether it was the same for every woman who was raped. She realised how abstract that thought was, it must be different every time. She wished she had not had so much to drink, as she groped around for something to cover herself with, not wanting him to see her naked if he got up. She needn’t have worried, Darren hadn’t stirred. He clearly knew that what he had done was wrong, that’s why he wasn’t getting up and speaking to her. She was glad, she did not want to have to speak to him right now, she was too disgusted with him. Faith found a t-shirt on the floor and put that on, not bothering to ask if it was alright. She didn’t want to draw attention to herself, fearful that he would attack her again. She suddenly felt like she was creeping around a sleeping monster, like the heroine in a fairy tale. Her mother really should have provided her with some decent reading material when she was young. She walked quickly down the stairs, taking a jacket to keep herself warm and left the house, not even bothering to look for her handbag. She didn’t care if she never saw it again. The street lights were lit, casting a pale orange glow over the pavement. Faith walked hastily through the estate and towards the main road. It was very late and she was scared of the dark, but she had no option but to make her way home. How could she go home in this state, she was a mess. Tears started to pour down her cheeks as she thought of the situation she had just escaped from. She had been wrong to come here. He wasn’t even her type, all muscles and no brain, why did she keep getting herself into these situations. The sci-fi should have been a dead giveaway. There didn’t even seem to be a plot. It was like inter planetary porn. A bad script and lots of action, all that was missing was a male star with and enormous dick. As she hurried through the empty streets Faith wondered why Darren had covered her face with his arm, was that so that he could pretend it wasn’t a friend he was assaulting or did he do that to all the women he had sex with. She shouldn’t have listened to Jenny; this was her kind of behaviour. Faith wasn’t sure why she was so malleable, but her behaviour had long since been changeable. It was the middle of the night, but she decided to see if her friend was still up. She needed somewhere to go to sort herself out, before she went home. The rain that had been threatening to fall earlier started now, coming down in turbulent waves. It soon soaked through the thin jacket she was wearing and plastered her insubstantial skirt to her legs. By the time she reached her friend’s house she was drenched and her hair hung in sodden tendrils about her face, which was pale partly from the cold and from the trauma of the abuse. Not for the first time she thought that maybe she shouldn’t have come back to this town at all.